remember you encouraged me to write more 

 and i said i cant write because im not heartbroken and im not in love 


 i was just looking at your name on facebook chat and it had the green dot 

 i knew that once i clicked it it would change like you would actually be offline or something 

 because facebook chat is a piece of shit and everyone knows 

 i clicked on your name and then the cell phone icon appeared by it 

 so i closed the chat window 

 felt relieved 

 lay back on my bed 

 thought, i wish i could will myself to sleep 

 and sleep 4ever 

 but maybe still have dreams 

 dreams 4ever 

 so you cant say im suicidal 

 dreams 4ever would be nice 

 i like that things dont have to make sense  

 sometimes they seem bad or scary 

 but there are no consequences 

 someone could die but then a second later theyre still alive 

 somewhere 


 the other night i dreamt i was coming out of a store and it was dark outside 

 and a crazy homeless person attacked me 

 in my dream i kicked him and i think that worked 

 then i woke up and realized i had kicked you 

 i mumbled 'im so sorry'  


 you made a sound, i dont think you noticed me kicking you 

 you thought i was just forcefully moving my leg onto yours  


 its okay for you to hold me at night  

 for me to fall asleep with your breath on the back of my neck 

 and not acknowledge it later 


 as if its not the time of day or brightness of the sun that dictates the rules of our relationship 

 but location and/or posittion 

 horizontal and/or on a bed it is okay 

 in any other situation strictly platonic 

 i didnt care 

 i dont care 

 because im a chill ass girl 

 just kidding, i dont know 


 one time i had a fever dream in which my ex boyfriend almost suffocated me with a pillow and i woke up disoriented and confused, it felt so real but he wasnt there, i know, i checked 


 this is an example of a bad dream 

 but dreams are nice a lot of the time, or at least interesting 

 i like falling in love in dreams 

 it just feels bad to wake up from those 

 but if i got to sleep 4ever that wouldnt be a problem